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  • Mohit Arora

I lose patience with my children. My wife is always stressed out because of work and yells at boys

2 Way Parenting | Book | Blog

It is your softer ability and capacity to control emotional responses or anger (i.e. patience) that is a bigger contributor to your success professionally or personally than traditional hard skills.

Often you want to be patient but the only tool you have to be patient is to suppress your anger or frustration. Anger control through suppression doesn’t actually help and may gum you up even more. The suppressed emotions only erupt suddenly and more violently.

Isn't cultivating patience, so that it becomes your natural response, a better way? Wondering what the best tool to do this?

Children exactly provide you this tool. Think of children as a means or tool to practice patience. We all go to the gym to practice weights to tone our muscles. Children are like the mental weights that will help you cultivate mental muscle for patience.

Regardless, do you really think shouting at a kid helps? If after each bout of shouting you have to shout even more aren’t you just burning your health and causing life-long damage to your relationship with children? As children grow, they forget the issues but just remember the shouting. Are you not giving children an opportunity to be rude to you by shouting back, which they will if you don’t stop?

What would you do then? At best shouting only buys you momentary peace but creates long-term harm. Being firm and persisting in a calm way will burn you less and get you more lasting results. Don’t just suppress anger but cultivate calmness and patience.

If you are the other parent who does not agree with the shouting spouse, does not want to pick up an argument but will offer affection and playfulness to children, kindly be mindful that overcorrection on your part will likely create another set of problems for you!

The best way may be to just lie low, not overdo affection, and just do what needs to be done by focusing on building a simple schedule and routine for children. Just make sure they do what they must do.

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